SIGHTS AND SOUNDS OF CALABAR CARNIVAL 2

CALABAR CARNIVAL :CLIMATE CHANGE.

The calabar carnival festival is here. Climate change is this year's theme. Calabar carnival is Africa's biggest street party. That somehow sounds decadent and frivolous doesn't it? But, the carnival is a lot of things rolled into one. It's an opportunity for people to relax, de-stress(I think that should be a word), learn about culture: dances, songs, art etc. It's an avenue for entrepreneurs to make that clean out sales they've longed for for the whole year because Christmas holiday comes with shopping and shopping is done well in a relaxed, music in the background, happy people everywhere, all kinds of foods and drinks environment like the Christmas village. Business is usually good as a trader who came from Lagos told me yesterday. The Christmas village is kind of like trade fair. It used to be at the cultural centre but a new place was built for it at Calabar Municipality. Here you find anything and everything all in one space, from exotic dishes down to artwork, games, joyrides down to the weirdest boutique and of course, there are also those one of a kind products, services and deals that you can only find at the Christmas village. My only disappointment is why any of the banks have not thought it wise to put an ATM there. I mean where there is holiday shopping, people are bound to spend more than they have and will always need extra cash. There are so many diverse activities lined up for the 31days of the carnival that one can be accused of having too much fun. From food festival, sports festivals, talent shows, beauty pageant, cultural parades, festival of carols, free A list shows: Shows that on a normal day will attract tables of N10 million and the likes are absolutely free. Imagine going to a show where the legend himself Tubaba( Tuface idibia), P square etc are performing live and it's all absolutely free. That is Calabar carnival. And the city of Calabar itself omg! Beautiful just beautiful. The people welcoming and gracious hosts. There's still a lot to be done though. I daresay that when Donald Duke as governor of Cross River state in 2004 started the carnival he had taller dreams than these. The speed of development of the dream of making Calabar The tourist attraction of Africa has kind of slowed. Nonetheless; I am glad that at least subsequent government have been able to look past their own immediate politics to see the bigger picture.

Eden Attai's Pinkwall confessions episode two

You must be crazy

THE NIGER DELTA AVENGERS: WHO'S HERO?

I don't get it. Every time the Niger delta avengers destroy one more infrastructure in an already impoverished and hurting community I ask myself "WHY?". When one of my sisters was still very young before she could walk, she used to have terrible temper tantrums; She will get so angry and hit her head on the floor(there was a thick rug on the floor), however; one day the rug was moved out to air, so it was just the bare floor left, as usual she got angry, swayed herself like she usually did and left her head on the floor. Her screams almost made the roof come down. Suffice to say that she found other ways to let her grouse be known rather than hurting herself without being told. Now if my baby sister who just learnt how to crawl could have the simple basic sense of survival, how can grown men claim ignorance of the devastation they are causing? Who burns down his own house because he is fighting with his neighbour? If that is truly your house and you had no where else to go to, would you raze it to the ground? I think not. It reminds me the story that was used to illustrate Solomon's wisdom: a little recap; two prostitutes living as flatmates give birth same period. One night, one carelessly sleeps on her child and kills it; she has that eerie moment just before or after something horrible has happened and wakes up to find her child dead! A woman of the world, sharply she exchanges her dead child with her roomie's living baby. The ensuing quarrel lands them both at the feet of King Solomon whose decision is to divide the living baby into two and give each woman a piece since they both claimed the child was theirs. However, a mother's heart would not let the real mother see harm come to her child. She offered to let the other woman have the child if it will spare the child's life. The opportunist insisted the child should be killed, so that no one will have it. The matter was settled by the King, who let the rightful mother go with her child. I think to myself that if these Avengers were truly interested in what happens and the progress of Niger delta, they would not destroy the little that we have, I mean Who burns down his own house because he is fighting with his neighbour? it's ludicrous really. But then what do I know? I'm not a politician. But I know that these faceless people cannot be possibly fighting for the Niger deltans. Are they?

ZONE 222....WHO GOD WAN BLESS, E GO BLESS

The theme of the day was "Who God wan bless e go bless". That actually was an answer that Rogers Ofime the director of the new hit Television Series Zone 222 gave to a question that a journalist asked. The journalist had wanted to know the amount of money that had gone into making the excellent work of art because he was impressed. Especially when he learnt that the writer had been given a month's honeymoon with his bride to the location to study the lives he was to bring on paper. The new comedy series that will change your television experience chronicles the adventures of five undergraduate friends and their two female counterparts and all the shenanigans they employ whilst in school.Premiering on the 1st of June by 8.30Pm on Africa Magic Urban channel 153. The show which has been Twenty years coming according to Rogers Ofime;the boss of Native media the production house bringing it to you promises loads of entertainment for the whole family. It is educative, entertaining and thought provoking. At a cosy press conference at Savoy suites Ikeja on 27th of May, anchored by Femi Johnson, the press was intimated on the details of what had gone into making this beautiful piece of art. According to Rogers Ofime, Zone 222 was originally a stage play tagged "Love is BLind" written by his friend Mufu Onifade. Rogers loved it so much that he told his friend that one day he will serialize it for television. And when the time was right, twenty years later the moons aligned, Rogers got a wonderful writer Tobe Osigwe to capture Mufu's idea into episodes of pure enjoyment.The show boasts brilliant talents as Kunle Bamtefa, Anthony Igwe, Patrick Diabuah, Eden Attai, Tomiwa Kukoyi,Olumuyiwa Jaiyeola Donald, Papasam and Vanessa Ogboru.

PLAYING THE RACIAL CARD

Racism is an issue that most blacks and minority races are all too familiar with although we tend to erroneously tag it as just a black and white issue which it isn't because even amongst blacks,there are all forms of discriminations: In Nigeria for instance where we are all blacks with rare cases of Peter Osaze Odemwingie the white footballer we experience tribal discriminations. As a matter of fact this race issue is the bane of Nigerian existence; it has single-handedly stopped Nigeria from making any noticeable progress .The polity is forever dancing round in circles because of zoning allocation. However, in a country like South Africa where there are distinct blacks and whites, racism takes a whole new dimension. In as much as Mandela forgave the whites for the Apartheid atrocities, the sore obviously still festers; a little sprinkle of salt and it sizzles. .. Recently a white South African judge: Judge Mabel Jansen has come under fire for comments she made in conversation with a South African Activist Gillian Schutte. The conversation which took place last year according to Judge Mabel has has been taken out of context, Gillian for some reasons decided to share the social media chats now, the activist must have a need of the fire the Judge is undergoing now. Looking at the messages on face value,I see a judge who has had so many abuse cases brought before her that she was merely stating facts as they have been presented to her. However, as in the case of black Americans, it is politically incorrect for a white person to call a black person 'nigger' but perfectly okay for a fellow black to call his brother 'nigger'. Some ladies even prefer to address themselves as "bitches" and "sluts"; that always confounds me because if another person calls them that it'll be regarded as an insult. History in this case condemns the whites and their pure or impure motives. Probably if a black judge had stated the facts that African men tend to behave like brutes sometimes and expect their women to bow down to their every whim and caprices, there might not have been an uproar. Come to think of it, even white men too behave that way. so for the Judge to have said it's just blacks did not go down well with the Black South African men. A closer look at this fracas presents an alarming notion to me: they are not fighting the crimes itself. No! they are upset to be labeled the only ones that do it. And so these monstrosities continue... Last week, a 60 year grandpa married a 14 year old girl publicly in Somalia, a few years back, an ex Governor of Zamfara state Sen Ahmed Sani Yerima married a 13 year old child, the whole politicians and big wigs went to celebrate with him automatically granting him their blessing and approval. How wrong is Judge Mabel then?

AKWA IBOM DISHES AND THEIR EXPERTS

Akwa Ibom dishes have been a source of attraction to non AkwaIbomites for a long time. When we say we have foods, we do. That is not being proud, or maybe it is. Anyway, some of our dishes like Ekpan, Afang, Edikang Ikong have become household staples,while others like Nsohobi, Atomboro, Aditang are not. For example everyone that cooks vegetables now in a restaurant claims it is Edikang ikong. Some even make some claims that are preposterous. My dad once went to eat lunch at work at a restaurant that claimed to be 'Calabar Kitchen' and asked for Afang. The waiter brought vegetable soup. When my dad told her that that wasn't Afang, she insisted it was,he stuck by his guns, eventually she caved in and said it was Edikang Ikong and they taste the same way anyway(by the way, there is a huge difference between ordinary vegetable soup made with Ugwu- Pumpkin leaves and Edikang Ikong made with the same nkon afere). We presently live in an age of culture exchange and acceptability which means that these dishes are not only prepared by the Akwaibomites alone now. Anyone who wishes can make them. To even further aid you, there is the Internet. I know that getting the right information on the internet at times can be tedious and even more frustrating when it turns out that the sources of the information who claimed to be authority on the subject were actually quack,however; with a little patience you can get the gold out of the pile of rubbish. I witnessed a celebrity cook Edikang Ikong on Television and it was hilarious. She put in the Nkon afere(pumpking leaves) almost immediately she started cooking while the meat and water-leaves came in almost at the end, I wanted to enter the television and ask her "how?"I wondered how the meat would taste but of course the Television tasters oohhed and aahhed at how delicious it was. Poor them! Yesterday I witnessed a food blogger giving her own version of afia efere (white soup) and then claimed it was the way Ibibios and Efiks cooked theirs. They definitely do not overcook leaves that were meant just for garnishing and then put in the yam last as an afterthought.

ENTERTAINMENT AND SCANDALS Tiwa Savage and Teebilz fiasco

Unlike the Carters case where Beyonce is Still putting up some defence; not airing your dirty laundry in public is a defence because once you bring down that wall the wolves will pounce like sharks incensed by the smell of blood, Tunji Balogun aka Teebilz did not pull punches while pummelling his wife Tiwa Savage in public. He just let it go. As I read his Instagram post I was appalled. I kept checking his Instagram handle to be sure it was really him. I wasn't appalled so much by the words but by the mere act itself. The man came to the public to say he was being cuckolded by his wife and bewitched( in a society where witchcraft and its attendant implications are a taboo).This is Africa after all where the man is boss, alpha male, in control and every other pretentious label we can attach to them just so long as we aid them not to show weakness and sensitivity. And Nigeria especially where we can 'pretend for federation', where we never talk about issues, rather sweep them under the carpet and smile while silently dying inside. Where it is acceptable for a man to cheat as often as he desires but a deadly sin for the woman to even think it: A woman can be stoned to death for infidelity but her accomplice is never mentioned. You then wonder if the woman was cheating by herself. Nigeria where a woman would be living in terror of her beast of a husband yet family members will tell her to bear and stay married probably until he kills her or drives her to the nut house. Vice versa because some women can be a terror to their men too. Maybe it's not just a Nigerian thing after all:"It's man's world" we keep hearing. This man Teebilz(T billion because he supposedly lives very large) came out with all these dirty linen and wanted to commit suicide to cap it all. As expected, the sharks tore into him and his marriage without pity. No one even seemed to care about his desire to end his life.One comment caught me: the person claimed that when all was well and Teebilz and Tiwa wanted to wed, they went to Dubai because they did not want commoners to eat their jollof rice. It was funny but also made me sad. Sad in the sense that we have become inured to people's pain and suffering. What drove a man to say his manhood had been taken from him? To rehash his past and the struggles he's had in front of the world? Maybe it was a desperate call for help but no one paid attention. As I watched Tiwa's interview on the Pulse TV; I admired her courage to speak out,it must not have been an easy choice, she has a career on the line.On the other hand,she tied a scarf, was almost make-up less.I smiled inwardly: seemed her PR team wanted her to play the victim by looking pitiful; but then it wasn't necessary because by his own hands Teebilz had made himself the aggressor. Has this whole fiasco been for album sales?- Tiwa has a new video "If I start to talk" off her R.E.D album which was released December 2015- The prize for this PR would in my humble opinion have been too steep but then in retrospect, it has helped Tiwa's music as could be attested to by one of the Music channels I watched yesterday who had a "Tiwa Savage takeover".

ENTERTAINMENT AND SCANDALS Beyonce's Lemonade

Two infidelity sponsored scandals have rocked the music industry this past week. One local, the other international. One may be quick to say that scandals and entertainment are inseparable bedfellows; yet, there are scandals and there are scandals. By the way these scandals always almost seem to revolve around unlicensed union. The very queenly Beyonce( who can forget the way she handled the elevator drama starring her sister Solange and her husband JayZ, the way she behaved like nothing was amiss, controlled and truly queen worthy, you have to but admire her) dropped the bomb with her Lemonade album, one of the tracks talks about a cheating partner and in her charactristic to the left manner, she took a baseball bat to things.In all of the years that there have been rumours about her husband cheating, she never gave them credence. Music is therapeutic. It touches your soul in a way words can't and sometimes offers some form of clarity. Even the most high responds to music. Beyonce may not want to talk about her marital woes or maybe she can't, but; she can sure sing about them and break the bank while at it: The album's only competition this past week has been Prince's death. With this track many say she has finally confirmed the rumours that the husband has indeed been cheating and all is not so perfect in that paradise. It was hard to believe initially. I mean which sane man will cheat on such a woman? Beautiful, talented, brilliant, the object of desire. Two universities in Canada: University of Victoria and University of Waterloo offer courses exploring the superstar and her career. Check that. But he cheated. This time the accomplice holds no candle to Beyonce. However, these are just conjectures as she has not said in plain words he cheated on her. The whole drama could just have been a PR gimmick to create insane chatter for her new album Lemonade. I daresay it has worked nicely as even the supposed person Jay Z cheated with this time Rachel Roy the ex wife of Jay Z' s former business partner has become a celebrity for it and the track is topping charts. However, about my second couple, there is no doubt about what the aggrieved partner thinks...

PEGS AND HOLES

When I was in secondary school, My dad took the family on a visit to his boss who lived on Snake Island Apapa. Then I thought the Island was the coolest place I'd ever seen. Having to cross water to get to this cozy little paradise reminded me of some of the fairytales the novels I loved so much filled my head with. Looking through my fantasy coloured eyes, everything about the Island was perfect including my dad's boss. Well, until he spoke. My dad told him that I loved to sing and the man exclaimed "Don't sing o!, you see all those singers, they are very poor. They borrow even the clothes they wear to sing" He then went on to tell me about how poor a particular popular musician at that time was. He painted very vivid gory pictures of their miserable life. I loved singing but I didn't want to borrow clothes for my daily life. I never pursued music. I wish that that my dad's boss was alive today to see Tuface: he's a singer and I don't think he's miserable or begs for clothes to wear. I remember a testimony that was given in church by a chief who had children enough to make a football team plus substitutes all from one wife. The chief thanked God that his children had gotten admission into school to read the courses he the chief wanted. Is it wrong for parents to guide children? No! However, many parents and adults tend to push children in directions which are not their true calling. Not to hurt them, no! But for security. Job security. Food on the table, clothes on their backs, good houses to live in... The quest for these sometimes puts round pegs in square holes. That's how you have politicians who do not even know the meaning of service, nurses who are so mean because they hate their jobs, lawyers who hate the inside of a courtroom, doctors who hate to see patients, customer service officers who find it difficult to smile and snap at their customers, policemen who have no humanity, who would ask the parents of a four year child that was raped to bring money first before they can begin investigations. You ask yourself what is their duty then? Maybe the pegs should just have been put in their right holes.

BODY SHAMING

I have a gorgeous cousin who is a beautiful size 12. Curvy, toned and smart. Did I mention she is the best dancer of us all? She's that flexible with the sweetest disposition ever. I tell her how cute she is all the time. Like every young person; she is still figuring out her style. Now being stylish most times doesn't necessarily mean being trendy because not all trends suit all body types. You have to adapt style to your taste and personality. That knowledge however does not come to everyone at the same time. It takes years for some. That being said; every body can be stylish and fashionably trendy regardless of their size. It's offensive then to hear the way some folks talk to some big bodied ladies as if their size is a disease. I remember once when someone said to my very beautiful friend "this your baka too much for church o". My friend in her characteristic no holds barred answered "I for cut some keep for house? No be God give me?" Recently a relative was chastizing my big cousin harshly for wearing a turtle neck top with a Jean bodycon skirt. Her words and the tone of her voice somehow made it seem that my cousin's body was a sin. I have seen this too often to be comfortable with it. Yes! People should work out and be healthy which is the important thing, not being thin. By the way there are very thin people who are not healthy. Some is just genetic. It is time to stop body shaming and appreciate people for whom they are. Anyone that has ever tried to lose weight will tell you it's not as easy as you see in adverts on Television. It's a lot of sacrifice, tears and sweat. Body shaming can cause young people who are still very impressionable to harm themselves. Depression,bulimia nervosa and suicide are not uncommon

I GAVE BIRTH TO MY AUNT

It's rare to find a housewife or husband these days. The economic state has gotten to the point where it has become almost absolutely necessary for both parents to work. This leaves the children in the care of others(Family, relatives, neighbours,maids...) . "Man know thyself" that was Socrates or Thales or Cilion. But as a lecturer of mine once said, literally taken, you can only speak for yourself. Most times we take things for granted and make assumptions that are lethal. Just because that neighbour smiles and appears to like children doesn't mean he is the best person to take care of your children. Also a lot of folks have eagle eyes on their jobs but blind spots where their children are concerned and a lot of damage may be going on under your very own nose... I was commissioned recently to write a play for children encompassing morals that they need. In the cause of my research I found out that the youngest grandmother in the world is a Nigerian Mumzi who gave birth at the age of eight years, four months. Her daughter Zi subsequently gave birth at eight years eight months. This made Mumzi at 17 years, a grandmother. In Akwa Ibom state that phenomenon is called the thing of the father's house. When I read about Mumzi's case I decided to go further... I learnt about Lina Medina the Peruvian girl who gave birth at 5 years, 7 months and 17 days in 1933 thus becoming the youngest mother in the world, Hida Trujillo also a Peruvian gave birth at 8 years 7 months, 5 year old Liza Gryschchenko also towed that line and so many others. One thing that caught me was the fact that the men who molested these girls were either relatives as in the case of Liza who was raped by her 69 year old grandfather to Hilda's 22 year old cousin who molested her; these monsters who carried out these dastardly acts were actually trusted and known by the family of the victims. A wise man I know always says "The onus is on the owner to take care of what belongs to her"

Health and the Oyibo syndrome

The rave of fitness and healthy living is obviously not a fad as it has now become a lifestyle for some. One thing a true fitness aficionado will tell you is that exercise and diet are paramount to health and weight loss. You can't keep loading yourself with the normal mountains of foofoo and garri then expect the pounds to fall off except you have a special metabolism like a family friend I know who can swallow an elephant and yet still have a flat tummy and look like he's a refugee. However, nothing in life is cast in stone: for instance have you ever wondered why our rural folks who don't gym, subsist on majorly carbohydrate(that has become taboo these days) based meals never get fat? That being said, diet is important. When my brother started his weight loss program, his fridge reflected it. My mom said there was nothing to eat in his fridge; but what she meant was nothing familiar. After successfully evicting the pounds he moved unto muscle building, his diet too reflected this. He is a fitness aficionado. Recently I met someone else who claimed to be one in shopsomthing the babe was loading her cart with canned foods and all these oyibo vegetables. I couldn't contain myself I had to ask her why she was buying vegetables there when there were our own local markets that she could get fresh veggies that have not been preserved with chemicals. She said she doesn't like open markets. I wanted to take this babe to school. But not just her. The irony of it is that the oyibo health buffs go for organic foods which are more expensive over there but here that we have them in surplus we don't appreciate them. Rather we gorge ourselves with oyibo foods and start to have diseases which were foreign to us before all in the name of trend.

Yoweri Museveni playing out the African leader's never leave office script.

"This is not a mere change of guard, it is a fundamental change" Those were the words spoken by newly sworn in President of Uganda Yoweri Kaguta Museveni on January 22, 1986. Ugandans rejoiced. He was seen as a hero to many having toppled Lieutenant-General Tito Okello(the army commander who had led a successful coup against Milton Obote) whom he saw as an upstart who came in to enjoy the fruits of Museveni's labour. Today, the 72 year old Museveni for the fifth time has allegedly won the Ugandan elections. This amidst a lot of controversy. His opponent and main opposition Kizza Besigye placed under house arrest. The people to be governed fearful, the country tense.Ugandans have not rejoiced. President Museveni has been in power for 30 years. For the most part of his career in office, Museveni enjoyed international support and got praises for a lot of good the economy enjoyed, however; in a country of 37.58 million people as estimated by world bank,one man being in power for three decades has definitely soiled his scorecard. Uganda seems to have had the worst end of the deal since their independence in 1962. They've been embroiled in civil wars and coups, from Milton Obote to Idi Amin back to Obote and then Tito Okello and Museveni, there doesn't seem to be any salvation in sight. Ironically Museveni started looking like the salvation but that illness that seems to suddenly take over the will of African leaders found him and down the drain went all the good intentions . Now Museveni has joined the ranks of longest serving African leaders who hold onto power desperately because they maybe want a state burial? or is it just the wealth? we have African leaders who are richer than the country they govern. Museveni probably sees nothing wrong with this extended stay, he is in great company... Muammar Gaddafi of Libya ruled for 42 years before he was ousted and killed in 2011. Omar Bongo Ondimba, Gabon ruled for 41 years before his death in 2011 and was succeeded by his son like birth right. Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo, Equatorial Guinea(37 years) Jose Eduardo dos Santos, Angola(37 Years) Robert Mugabe, Zimbabwe (36 years)-Has been in office since his country's independence. Paul Biya, Cameroon(33 years) King Mswati III, Swaziland(30 years) Omar al-Bashir, Sudan(27 years) Idriss Deby, Chad(26 years

Mfeheke(I Won't Run)

THE DEATH OF AFRICAN CULTURE AND LANGUAGES

I'm sitting in church trying to pay attention to the message and not be offended by the man having a simultaneous discussion with his very cute daughter behind me. Then she says "ekaaro o"(which means good morning in Yoruba) her accent very clean and distinct. I was quite impressed. However; her father wasn't, rather, he sounded angry. He blurted out "what's that trash?" the little girl did not answer. I'm sure she was as stunned by his tone as I was. He ventured again this time softer " what does that mean?" she finally answered "E mean I am the house". The man continued "Don't be saying that again. Where did you hear it from?" now that's the part that really caught me. I happen to know this man and his lovely wife: beautiful young couple whom I've always thought were very noisy as they always seem to preach along with the pastor or dissect what he's saying at the same time not caring that they might be distracting others. Suffice to say I was disappointed by his words. I have always appreciated the way the Yoruba people seem to speak their language to everyone whether you understand or not. I always felt my people could borrow a leaf from them about the love of your own language. English is and will always be a second language to us whether we like it or not. But here was this man rather than encourage his daughter to learn her first language was chastising her for picking up a word like it was a bad habit. It made me wonder. Did it then mean that even at home they do not speak their own language? He did ask her where she had heard it from. If as parents and elders we do not have regard for our language and culture and we don't make an effort to pass down our culture no matter how flawed we think they are, then they will die. The reason foreign cultures and languages seem so appealing is because their people made conscious effort to promote them by foisting them forcefully on conquered people. But the conquerors have returned to their land and we have a rich, colourful, vibrant and attractive culture. What is our excuse now?