Wednesday, 31 July 2013

MUMS, DAUGHTERS and NEUROSES


I was at an event and happened to sit behind three very vocal young ladies: usually I love to sit behind the 'happening chics" because most times they can be a well of information, although at the end of the day, one has a huge task sifting through the plethora of information in a bit to get useful morsels...So, there I was unwittingly been privy to some juicy secret(someone else's not theirs) when a much older lady walked past and the younger ladies all busted into riotous laughter  because of the former's dressing, sufficient to say this sickened me to my tummy and then I thought to myself, don't these girls realize they would soon get to her stage- after all as we all know youth is fleeting regardless of the number of plastic surgeries or age defying remedies that abound now. The woman was old enough to be any of our mother. It got me thinking as to the kind of relationships these young ladies had with their mothers and I thought about mine too, that was how the idea of this article came by. So I started chatting with friends about their mums. I shouldn't have apparently as some did not find it funny especially when I asked for a photograph of them with their mothers, in this age of camera phones and display pictures it's been a herculean task getting mom and daughter pictures( I'm still holding out) It was SHOCKING! It seems daughters prefer to bond with others apart from mom and mom of course couldn't be bothered with such mundane childish things right?
We're all familiar with Oedipus complex a term coined by the Austrian neurologist who is also the founding father of psychoanalysis Sigismund Schlomo Freud(May 6 1856 -September 23 1939). The complex has its origins from Sophocles's second Thebian play, an Athenian tragedy Oedipus Rex( a Thebian king who was destined from birth to kill his father and marry his mother as a consequence of a sacrilege committed by his father). The complex was used by Freud to explain the attraction of children to parents of the opposite sex and its attendant neuroses. The problem seems to be prominent amongst the fairer sex than among the male folks.Could that possibly be the reason mothers and daughters don't get along just because they're of the same sex or is there a deeper cause? It made me think. ..I fight with my mum a lot.  Why?( huge question requiring -post PHD to answer) why do daughters feel daddy will understand and not mum and invariably break mummy's heart ,could it be that mums themselves were not understood and as such cannot understand their own offspring? a sort of transferred aggression in a vicious hurting cycle?..........(To Be Continued)

Friday, 28 June 2013

THE SEX GODDESS AND THE SAINT

I hadn't heard from a friend of mine for quite some time although I had her on my bbm, what's the point of having numerous contacts that you never speak with anyway?, so, I chatted and asked how she was doing and her response was " you forgot about me abi? " I hadn't, (by the way it takes two to tango if I had not reached out to her, shouldn't she have done it?) I apologized for being such a bad friend and we got talking and then she dropped it " I'm very surprised you pinged me first it's very unlike you". Now, that seems like nothing but it got me thinking: what is like me? I went to an oral interview once some time ago, the interviewer said to me that she was disappointed at some of my answers because she had not been picturing me that way(she had already made up her mind about who I was and some things I actually liked did not go well with her picture). If truly as we keep singing ;variety is the spice of life, why are people so against it? I listened to a very interesting lady speak once and she had said that versatility was overrated .Isn't it sad really about life, these tiny boxes that people put others into. Everything you do that does not fit into the box is resisted and you keep getting "that's not you". It always baffles me when others claim to know you more than you know yourself and would go to great lengths to argue for hours just to convince you you are who they think you are.In the words of Stacee Jaxx in the movie Rock of ages " they don't know me,I know me because I live inside here". Gru the villain in the cartoon Despicable me bought into the idea that there's nothing good about himself despite taking in three orphan children( that wasn't him of course) and caring for them -a very unvillainous act. Back to my question why these tiny boxes?  do they help people to profile you easier? placing you in tiny comfortable compartments in their minds, no thoughts required. So let's explore some of these profilings: If I am an Akwaibomite that automatically makes me a sex goddess and a master chef right? If I am a short slim girl, that automatically makes me an angry vindictive bitter person right? If I go to church and sing in the choir that makes me a good girl because i do not engage in any of the vices of bad club girls. If I am a Yoruba girl, then I must be the definition of dirt as we use the same utensils in the kitchen as well as in the toilet. If I am an Igbo girl, i cannot be trusted because I love money too much... Nice little holes that do not require thoughts as I said. So, what happens if I am a Yoruba girl that cannot stand the sight of dirt?I must b e strange "haba,that's so  unlike them,she's pretending"How about if I am an Akwaibomite that also sings in the choir? Total confusion. I mean how do you reconcile the sex goddess free spirited vixen image with that of the saintly church girl? Too much drama that doesn't fit into the box when it's easy to just pick one part and leave the rest.

Saturday, 13 April 2013

KEEPING CULTURE ALIVE

Went to a colleague's wedding recently, and was pleasantly surprised to see the cultural troupe there, probably  because it was the white wedding and not traditional. Even at traditional level these days people tend to shy away from the real traditional which makes a mockery of the whole event, i mean, sometimes you go to a traditional wedding, and they're all speaking English and not the native language and everything is so conventional and non traditional( if you're going to do it, you might as well do it well right?).  Anyway, here is a video to tickle your taste buds...

Thursday, 28 March 2013

crazy world

Some things are just hard to understand.
Newtown Killer's Obsessions, in Chilling Detail
Inside the rambling, pale-yellow Colonial-style home in a Connecticut suburb, Adam Lanza lived amid a stockpile of disparate weaponry and macabre keepsakes: several firearms, more than 1,600 rounds of ammunition, 11 knives, a starter pistol, a bayonet, 3 samurai swords. He saved photographs of what appeared to be a corpse smeared in blood and covered in plastic, as well as a newspaper clipping that chronicled a vicious shooting at Northern Illinois University.
A gun safe was in what investigators believed was his bedroom. Among his clothing was a military-style uniform. There was also a holiday card that contained a check made out to Mr. Lanza, 20, and signed by his mother. Investigators suggested that the money had been intended to buy a gun.
The disturbing details of Mr. Lanza's possessions were disclosed on Thursday for the first time since he carried out the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., one of the deadliest school shootings in the nation's history. The information was included in search warrants and related affidavits connected to the investigation into the Dec. 14 attack, when he killed 20 first graders, 6 educators, his mother and himself.
The inventory of the house, combined with interviews conducted over several weeks with law-enforcement officials and people who crossed paths with the Lanza family, afford a somewhat fuller picture of the dark corners of Mr. Lanza's mind.
The interviews revealed that his mother, Nancy Lanza, confided to friends several years ago that her son, who classmates said had been found to have a type of autism, was faring poorly and being bullied in high school. More recently, he had cocooned himself in front of electronic game consoles in the basement of their home, playing warfare games.
The contents of the Lanza house are of intense interest because the lives of the family have been picked apart since the shootings, often yielding little insight. A clear understanding of Adam Lanza's thinking and the texture of his relationship with his mother and others has yet to emerge. What pushed him to his brutality may never be discovered.
After killing his mother at their home on the morning of Dec. 14, Mr. Lanza drove to the grade school that he once attended and carried out the massacre in less than five minutes, according to the search warrant.
The rampage brought the nation and the world to tears and touched off a continuing national debate over gun control.
Stephen J. Sedensky III, the state's attorney who is in charge of the investigation, said in a statement on Thursday that Mr. Lanza shot his mother in the forehead with a .22-caliber rifle while she was in bed in her second-story bedroom.
At the school, he used a Bushmaster XM15-E2S semiautomatic rifle to fire 154 shots, the statement said. The police also found 10 30-round magazines for the gun, many of them partly or fully emptied.
Mr. Lanza also carried two semiautomatic handguns, one of which he used to kill himself. The police found a 12-gauge shotgun in the car he drove to the school.
The inventories attached to the warrants delineated pertinent items found by police in the home that Mr. Lanza shared with his mother, a two-story house with dark green shutters at 36 Yogananda Street in Newtown. Ms. Lanza was a gun enthusiast who often took her son to shooting ranges. She was divorced from his father, Peter Lanza, a General Electric executive.
The items included more than 1,600 rounds of ammunition bullets, some of them housed in a Planters peanut can and a Nike shoe box, and an array of weapons found in a brown safe and in bedroom closets. The lists mention four guns, including the shotgun found in the black Honda Civic that Mr. Lanza drove to Sandy Hook, and 70 shotgun shells found in the car. There were two rifles, including the one used to kill Nancy Lanza, as well as a BB gun and a starter pistol.
The police also found a certificate from the National Rifle Association bearing the name Adam Lanza. The type of certificate was not clear. The organization said on Thursday that Adam Lanza and Nancy Lanza were not members.
There was also a receipt from a shooting range in Oklahoma, an N.R.A. guide to the basics of pistol shooting and training manuals on the use of a variety of firearms, including a Bushmaster.
There were paper and cardboard gun targets, as well as a considerable amount of computer equipment and game consoles and equipment. There was a hard drive that appeared to have been deliberately smashed.
There were numerous books connected to autism. One was titled, "Born on a Blue Day - Inside the Mind of an Autistic Savant."
Classmates of Mr. Lanza and others who knew the family have said he had an autism variant known as Asperger's syndrome, though investigators have never confirmed that diagnosis. Even so, his association with the disorder has raised alarms among parents of children with the diagnosis, who have expressed concerns that the public might believe that those with autism are prone to violence.
Experts say people with autism spectrum disorders are often bullied in school and the workplace and frequently suffer from depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. But the experts also say there is no evidence that they are more inclined than any other group to commit violent crimes.
Though Mr. Lanza's life remains mostly opaque, interviews in recent weeks show that he was a socially fragile individual captivated by warfare video games and bent on military service.
Marvin LaFontaine, 53, a mechanical engineer who considered himself a friend of Nancy Lanza from Kingston, N.H., where Ms. Lanza grew up, kept in touch with her chiefly by e-mail, Facebook and phone until 2010. He remembered that Adam Lanza deeply admired one of his mother's brothers, a retired Kingston police officer named James Champion. Mr. LaFontaine said Mr. Lanza was keen on joining the military, as his uncle, Mr. Champion, had done.
"This all started when Adam was 3 or 4, and became more ingrained as Adam got older and ultimately decided that he wanted to become a Marine," Mr. LaFontaine said.
Classmates said Mr. Lanza was smart but acutely shy, and was not known to have close friends. His mother frequently moved him in and out of school, and at times home-schooled him. Several years ago, when Mr. Lanza was in high school, Mr. LaFontaine said Ms. Lanza shared with him that "the problems with Adam were getting worse and that he was getting picked on and bullied and was starting to shut down."
A Newtown rabbi who counseled the families of victims of the shooting said former classmates of Mr. Lanza had told him that Mr. Lanza was sometimes the object of ridicule in high school. Other classmates have said they did not recall instances of his being bullied.
Mr. LaFontaine said Ms. Lanza had been weighing a number of options, which included once again removing him from school, which she later did. Mr. Lanza left Newtown High School after 10th grade. For a time, he attended college.
Despite his issues, Mr. LaFontaine recalled, "Nancy was generally confident that he could beat this and grow up into a normal, confident man, and that she could help him to do that."
He shared an e-mail in which she described how much she enjoyed living in Newtown, which is about 75 miles northeast of Times Square.
"People are so nice here," she wrote. "I feel very lucky to have found a place where there is such a feeling of community."
While the documents show that Mr. Lanza readily had access to weapons, a fact that was already known, by themselves they do not shed light on his motives, said Jack Levin, a professor of sociology and criminology at Northeastern University who has written several books on mass murders.
But in many school shootings, the killers were often bullied or ostracized by their classmates, "and the motive is revenge," Mr. Levin said in a telephone interview.
And Mr. Lanza did have other traits in common with school gunmen, including social isolation and access to weapons and firearms training, Mr. Levin said. The clipping on the Northern Illinois shooting, Mr. Levin said, indicates that, like some mass murderers, he might have been inspired by past shootings.
Adam Lanza had cut off contact with his father and his older brother, Ryan Lanza, in recent years, according to various accounts.
David Burton, a former co-worker of Peter Lanza's at General Electric who is now a lawyer in private practice, said Peter Lanza spoke rarely about Adam Lanza's challenges.
Still, Mr. Burton recalled being at a Christmas party in 2010 or 2011 at which Peter Lanza's eyes lit up upon learning that Mr. Burton's wife was an educational consultant.
Peter Lanza peppered her with questions, Mr. Burton said.
"When Peter learned of her expertise, he brought up Adam to her, and was clearly looking for an educational solution for Adam," Mr. Burton said. "She mentioned some boarding school options. It's one of those things you look back and say we should've done more there. But then everybody gets busy and it doesn't happen."
Two law-enforcement officials who were initially involved in the investigation said in recent interviews that the Newtown police had never been called to the Lanza home for any disturbances, and that before the shootings the family was basically unknown to the authorities.
They said they believed that Mr. Lanza had spent most of his time in the basement of the home, primarily playing a warfare video game, "Call of Duty." According to these officials, it also appeared that Mr. Lanza may have taken target practice in the basement.
In the documents released on Thursday, prosecutors redacted the names of witnesses interviewed by the police, but shared some of what they said.
The day of the shooting, agents from the Federal Bureau of Investigation interviewed a person who said Mr. Lanza rarely left his home. The witness considered Mr. Lanza to be a "shut-in and an avid gamer who plays 'Call of Duty,' amongst other games," according to a law-enforcement affidavit accompanying the warrants. It also said the witness told agents "that school was Adam's 'life,' " referring to Sandy Hook Elementary School, which Adam Lanza had attended.
Additional material turned up in the searches might contain clues into Mr. Lanza's thoughts in the days and weeks before the massacre, but their contents were not divulged. Police officers found seven journals written by Mr. Lanza, along with several of his drawings. The drawings were not described.
Beside three photographs of what appears to be a corpse, there was an article from The New York Times in February 2008, about a shooting at Northern Illinois University in DeKalb, Ill. In that shooting, Steven Kazmierczak killed 5 people and injured 21 on Valentine's Day before he killed himself.
Whatever problems Adam Lanza may have had, the documents indicate that Nancy Lanza was comfortable with his being around guns.
The holiday card to Mr. Lanza from his mother contained a check that specified that the money was to buy a "C183 (Firearm)," the documents say.
The date and amount of the check are not listed. It was not clear if the reference to C183 contained a typographical error and was intended to mean a CZ83, which is a semiautomatic handgun.
The Hartford Courant previously reported that investigators had found news articles about the Norwegian mass murderer Anders Behring Breivik in a bedroom of Mr. Lanza's. Mr. Breivik killed 77 people in two attacks in July 2011, most of them teenagers who were attending a summer camp.
Those articles were not mentioned in the documents released on Thursday.
The searches did turn up medical records, which are not identified, as well as some of Mr. Lanza's school records.
Among the records was a report card for Adam Lanza from many years ago.
It was issued by Sandy Hook Elementary School.

Thursday, 21 March 2013

THE NIGERIA OF OUR DREAM

When my mother suggested we go to a book presentation, the book entitled THE NIGERIA OF OUR DREAM written by Chief S.O.U.Igbe(MON), The Iyase of Benin Kingdom earlier today I budged mainly because I thought it was going to be long hours spent listening to old men lie through both ends of their mouths and do that ever so tortuously slow until you want to scream out in mad boredom, finally we went. She's still the mother after all. As usual, we ran into traffic and it tied gele especially when we got to Ozumba Mbadiwe( seems that road is perpetually under construction) which I considered fortunate(had I only known....). Finally we arrived at NIIA(Nigerian Institute of International Affairs) the venue of the event a full hour late. The Minister of information Mr Labaran  Maku representing the president  had just been introduced by the harassed Mc of the day Mr Sony Irabor( who was constantly been summoned by the Esama of Benin to be given one correction or the other- well, as he Sony himself said he'd been out of the homeland for sometime and needed to be reminded of appropriate protocols again- it was hilarious though.) and the minister went to work- a pretty good one he did-. Something truly original happened while the minister was speaking bout the giant strides been made in the power sector, PHCN struck. Perfect timing. Ofcourse the audience erupted in an " you see" applause. The minister unfazed went on and made cogent arguments saying Nigerians expect solutions to problems that have been around for more than thirty years in a space of two years, about amnesty for Alameyeseigha and against one for Boko Haram. He declined to give rebuttal about an alliance statement that had been made by Sen Seriki saying he and Femi Falana (SAN): yes that was my had I known because I always enjoy listening to Falana- to me his speeches are like favorite tracks you want to keep on repeat play- boo he had already spoken.... well all in all it was an interesting event, what with the very funny Edo deputy ( Dr Pius Odubu)who addressed former Lagos state governor Bola Tinubu as the Asiwaju of the universe,  and said that brief men like himself made brief speeches...

Here are some of the faces at the event.













Wednesday, 13 February 2013

LAGOS

Yesterday, I went to buy some things from the mallam in the neighbourhood, after I paid, I noticed that it took forever for my change to surface instead a discussion was going on between the mallams and I of course did not understand what they were saying, I was almost getting pissed when he said "Aunty the money no good" I thought it was because the money had started to undergo wear and tear, sides, that's how I'd been given, I don't print money so I'm not expected to be having mints all the time(not that I'll mind though), but that was not the problem with the money, something worse. His younger brother who had no qualms about hurting a customer's feelings blurted out "Aunty, the money na fake, no be real money, fake, see e light". I collected back the money and looked at it well, he even gave me another "good money" to compare and lo, it was true. I couldn't even remember the person that had given me the money. So, I  had goods I had bought and no money to pay, the kind mallam allowed me to go with my market and bring the money later. It was all so embarrassing but at the same time  I thanked God it had happened at home and with someone who had given me the benefit of doubt. What if it had been outside? I shudder to think about it.
 Gratefully I took my market and went home to bring money; this time "good money" to pay. As I was getting back to the mallam's I met a spectacular tableau: a northern labourer with heavy cupboard like assembly on his head  was been harassed by one of the 'omo ni les' of the area. The labourer was pleading that he'd not been paid yet and as such had no money to give to the omo ni le, one of the outstanding things in this drama was the fact that the 'omo ni le' seemed to be in greater shape than the labourer and he was also younger too which means he can work too but no! he doesn't want to. He wants to rely on 'owo ni le'(ground money- as a Lagosian he is automatically the landlord of every walking space in Lagos, therefore as Landlords, they collect tax from every okada rider, keke driver, mallams that fetch water, in fact every wheel that uses their ground) This incident brought to my mind one of our students in Secondary school. One day after school, we saw him at the bus stop doing conductor work. That's how he started, within the month he stopped coming to school altogether and became a full time 'agbero'(tout). He wasn't the last and recently, I've seen more and more young people becoming agberos, in fact it's regarded by some as a very lucrative business now. However, I see a danger threatening the Lagosians and I wonder if Lagosians themselves are not noticing it. Gradually, they might begin to lose that edge of literacy and start depending on past glory. I fear a time will come when there might not be a Lagosian educated enough to be a Lagos state governor . As it is, some are already homeless in their homeland because of Laziness. Pity.

Saturday, 2 February 2013

OBSESSION

A friend of mine brought this story up early in the morning(it must have weighed heavily on her mind for it to be an early opener)I found it quite interesting and so decided to share it.  What's your take?

Some 17 years ago, I met this girl at this lesson I was attending while preparing to enter into the university. We were very good friends and would always gist after class et al. There was nothing physical cos we were just friends but I knew she really liked me cos most times after classes, she would walk me half way to my place before going home. We now broke contact and I stumbled upon her again in Lagos in Year 3 and she now openly came out and professed her love to me saying she had always been in love blah blah...the "bad boy" in me would have taken advantage of it and slept with her but my mind told me not to and my mind has NEVER told me never to sleep with any girl so I knew something was wrong and told her to just let us be friends and that I was in a relationship ...She didn't take it well saying that ALL men cheat and that she was offering herself as a virgin to me on a platter of gold and why would I say no...Let me quickly add that she comes from a rich family and is actually beautiful and light skinned. But the idea of her throwing herself all over me just put me off. I told her I couldn't and u should have seen the love letter she wrote professing her love and at that point, I concluded she had a mental problem cos no girl can love a guy that much...A guy u haven't even kissed talk less of sleeping with...I have done a lot of crazy things in my life but there was just something about this babe that didn't make me sleep with her and that's cos my mind just kept saying Mike, don't do it. So I sha told her off, told her never to call me and thankfully, I finished from lag and traveled out and she couldn't get in touch with me.6 months ago, I got a notification from Skype about a Tokunbo wanting to add me. Initially I was hesitant but I just said to myself that "hey, I haven't spoken to this babe in over 7 years" and that she must have gotten over this love she has for me and that some sharp guy would have popped her cherry and then accepted the invite. After a month or two of exchanging pleasantries on line and gisting...she started again and this time it got me scared. She is in the UK doing her masters. And she just started saying that she is still and I quote "hopelessly and madly" in love with me and that she can never stop loving me. Now this was the part that got me worried...She said she has vowed to herself that its me or no one else and that is why she has still kept herself for me. And that cos of me, she hasn't slept with any other guy cos she wants me to be the one to dis-virgin her. so when she said that, I just yanked her off my skype, clicked on "ignore future notification". And cos skype always shows numbers, I blocked her number on my phone to make her not be able to reach me. And just like I suspected, she tried calling me but it didn't go thru. The application I downloaded would make u know when someone is trying to reach u. And I was thankful that I had peace again cos I kept saying to myself that she is in jand, and that maybe that would create a barrier. And this time it would be for good. Only for me to get a call from a number without no name. As a standing rule, I don't pick up numbers showing unknown or private. Even numbers without names, I am always circumspect but I picked up this one.And lo and behold it was her again calling me from the airport that she had landed. Imagine o, she hadn't called her folks or the driver to pick her up but she called me cos she said she figured I had blocked her number and that even when she tried calling me with an unknown number it didn't go thru.She sha started asking and saying all sorts that she doesn't know what she has done to offend me...blah blah...Before I go on, what she said that made me really yank her off was the fact that she said she had promised herself that if I didn't get married to her, she won't get married and that since I had already told her I was getting married to someone else, I should just get her pregnant and and let her carry a memory of me with her for as long as she lives...that was when I yanked her off...Something in me told me to finally put a stop to this mess once and for all so I told her to let us hook up for the last time at a restaurant so I can put a stop to this and I told her I would see her over the weekend. But something happened again yesternight that is now making me have second thoughts about seeing her to warn her. I usually put my phone on silent and I woke up to 45 missed calls from her and this text she sent to me...I would copy and paste for u to see...This was the first text she sent and it goes thus d most handsm and wel dressd man I v ever knwn, and ever luvd, cnt wait, 16yrs just like yesterdy and in all ths yrs i never stpd luvn u despt d maltrmnt, hpn 1 day i wl win my friend bck, no matter me d woman blockn my chances, cos i dnt gv a cheat. I cnt wait 2 see u nxt wk sat or b4 then. Find it n ur heart 2 4gv me if i v ever wrngd u. I luv u, pls thnk deep cos i v tried and i dzev 2 b treatd well. Luv u This is the second one she sent and it goes thus "Cld u pls send a txt and tell me y u hate me so much. It is well. if dats d way u wnt it then v it ur way at i least gv it a shot. And lemme add, I never led her on...never even encouraged it cos my mind just kept saying don't. I never even kissed her...but I know she has always been crazy about me.